Dave Vortex splurted:
> And your tales do not frighten me, for I have experienced the nakedness of FAT WOMEN. Fear it.
And then he dripped:
> I'm not including fat women in this, because they are a separate species.
And then I said:
Fat women! Gimme fat women! Gimme plenty fat women!
Fat women are the best. Fat women are my choice. Fat women are more for your money, economy size. Fat women are too much of a good thing. Fat women are nourishing, they are the tastiest of cheese! Fat women are rightous and the best fucks in the hole goddamn world.
Fat women are the very essence of female, Fat women are the Venus of Wilendorf code inside your head that makes you chase after breasts and thighs and curvy hips and makes your dick go dong! when you see a centerfold, when your brain compares what you see in the girly mags with the Ideal Female, that Ideal is a fat woman. Fat women are HORNY, they DESIRE, they WANT, they CONSUME, they follow their needs to their logical conclusion and then press on with the unstoppable inertia of a sherman tank. Fat women are strong, their soft rounded limbs conceal thick pulsing muscles that can contract with the slow crushing force of sleepy boa constrictors or the unspeakable speed of a slamming safe door! Fat women move fridges, they can push cars along with their bellies, I have seen with my own eyes fat women load bales of hay into flatbed trucks like thin waifs tossing diet cola into supermarket trolleys. Fat women have REAL breasts, their boobs have WEIGHT, they move around when they walk, no joggers tiny grapefruit could ever jiggle so enticingly as a fat womans DUGS do when she walks by. Fat women are SCARY, like women ought to be, which is why the mere thought of having sex with a fat women is enough to get any group of red blooded American males going "Euugh, gross!", which is their way of DENYING their FEAR of being SWALLOWED WHOLE by the all-encompassing salty folds of their flesh, because they know their puny weiners would never be up to the task of navigating the outer defenses to reach that ultimate goal that drives us on. Fat women are the earth, they are sunlight on grassy hills, they are deep forested valleys, they are all that is bounteous and good about life, they are the plenitude and the harvest, the fruit of the vine, the continents and oceans, the moon on waves, sand dunes shifting under a breeze, trees shaking in strong wind. Fat women make me hard!
Our society is sick and perverse for turning away from fat women in preference for puny stick-like models and actresses. This is a symptom of our DEATH culture, for we romance the very symptoms of disease and famine, and groove on the marks of barren-ness that are exposed ribs and slender limbs and small hard breasts that could never nourish new life. Narcissism drives men to desire women whose profile is so much like their own, instead of the gloriously different and female fatness that is natural to them.
This makes me angry, because it hurts fat women, and it also diminishes the number of them. Fat women nowadays are shy, they agonize over their weight, they DIET, they fail to recognize the beauty of their own form and cannot enjoy their own bodies because they have been sucked in and hypnotized by the evil advertising dreck that surrounds them. Do you have any idea how much talking and counceling it takes me to convince an average fat woman that, yes, I REALLY DO want to fuck her, no, I'm not into kinky stuff, no, I won't mistreat her, because she has such a low opinion of herself that she sees herself as the dregs of the pot, the leftovers, the stale beer, and anyone genuinely interested in her must be so for ulterior motives or sicko desires that only a poor lonely fat woman could be persuaded to cooperate with. Usually it takes weeks, and even then they're so inhibited by bad experiences with other guys who had them for a laugh, or on a dare from their mates, that it takes another week to get them to let go and do normal things like undressing before they turn the lights off or doing it on top of the covers, and then another week again before they will try funky positions and really let themselves go and have honest-to-god shaking throbbing orgasms. Ah, but when we start playing that level, that's the prize that drives me on, for sex with a fat women who actually feels sexy is the truest fuck you could ever have! It is to fuck the very planet itself, it is to be a ship on a stormy sea and a leaf in a whirlwind, to return for a brief moment to the womb, to be engulfed and loose your identity in the nirvana the Buddhists yearn for, only to return to life renewed and refreshed like a seed that dies when planted in fertile soil, to grow into a strong tree and drop more seeds. Yes!
I do draw the line at crenelated - that I can pass on. Sorry Madame Mario, I could never love you or your testicles. "Crenelated" is erosion, it is bursting at the seams, it is an overdone. BO is never a problem, most fat women are already too concerned with whatever factors of their appearance they can change.
Yes, I have done the taste test, I have tried skinny ones and they cannot compare. They are weak, vain, mean, absorbed in their own "beauty" and the lie that, because they are thin, they are better. They are like evil princesses in legends who order suitors to bring them the moon on a platter or lose their heads. Yes, but then fat women ARE the moon itself that draws in the orbiting prince and then imprisons him in delight, never to leave again!
But they can be moved to anger, and their anger is a mighty force that cannot be stopped. Dave, here come the Valkyries, and I'm riding the leader of the pack. Fear that.
- Matthew Spong